Bucket List

The Bucket List is a very inspiring movie. I find it to be very challenging emotionally because it always compels me to write my own bucket list. I have had this on my mind for years, but yet I cannot seem to bring myself to write that list.

Perhaps it is easier for those who are close to the end of their lives, rather than a young person like me who still sees the world as an oyster of opportunities.

Most of the time when I contemplate writing a bucket list, it sounds more like a Yahoo flash story of "top ten places to see before you die" rather than something sincere and meaningful. But perhaps this just points to the fact that I am a traveler by nature. Ever since I was a small child I have loved the open road, checking into new hotels and seeing new places. When I was about 8 years old I invented a
"hotel survivor kit" filled with little sample shampoos, soaps, and samples that you get at hotels. Even back then a traveler was born.

I definitely want to see India, China, Jamaica, Japan, South Africa, Argentina and a variety of other countries before I die. But since I have already traveled to more places in my 29 years than many have been to in their whole lives, it feels almost selfish to write a longer list of things that I want to see and most likely will at some point.

But again, I dance around the deeper issue of the bucket list without really getting at what my actual problem is. I think that anyone could draw a list of places they would like to go. But my problem is that I have no idea what I want to do when I am at home. When I am not running off on constant adventures and pursuing my wanderlust to the absolute fullest.

Could it be that I have done pretty much everything that I wanted to do and that I have no idea what I want next? I don't know if I am the kind of woman who wants a family, husband, children, etc. But I also don't want to get to the point that it is too late to make that kind of decision and feel like I missed out on experiences that are essential to the human condition. And so the conflict stands...

Without tooting my own proverbial horn, I have lived a pretty unusual and interesting life. I have been very blessed to be able to meet wonderful people, travel extensively, attend some of the best universities in the country and maintain my freedom. I have lived in 4 major US cities and spent long periods in others. I have traveled with work, been on numerous adventures on my own time, and gotten to know people from all social stratas. But somehow, the domestic type of life seems as though it would mean trading what has made my life interesting to begin with. I have escaped the grind that most people my age experience on a daily basis. Now that I am out of school I am freelancing and am fortunate enough to not have to punch a time clock everyday and be chained to a desk 40 hours a week. Although I spend plenty of hours working, I do it on my own terms and schedule.

So that brings me back to the bucket list again. Could it be that I really have no idea what I want to do before I die other than continue what I have already been doing since my late teens? Does that make me some kind of indecisive Peter Pan type with two MA degrees a set of belongings so scant that it can all fit in the back of my little Ford Escape? These are the kinds of questions that I frequently battle with as I face the 30 year mark a little less than a month from now.

On the 7th Day He Created H&M

The most significant drawback to living in New Orleans is the lack of H&M stores. Forget living below sea level, the high crime rate, government corruption and low grade public education. H&M is the one thing that New Orleans really needs. I sometimes wonder if non-profit organizations could collaborate to bring a store here, it would be a serious public service to the citizens of southern Louisiana.

The best thing about having a job that allows me to travel is that I get to be reunited with my favorite store. It is almost as exciting as seeing my old friends when I go to places like Atlanta and Chicago.

I have been to two H&Ms in the past 3 weeks, one in Chicago and the other in Atlanta. I had butterflies in my tummy like a school girl crush.

Here are a few things I recently purchased at H&M:

Fall Thus far

Time sure passes by quickly when you are having fun.
I just realized that it has been two months since I last updated my blog. I think it is starting to feel like an orphan webpage that no one writes or reads anymore. So in the interest of my blog's feelings and my creative impulses, I will bring it up to date with news, juicy gossip, photos and of course, travel stories.

After I started teaching sociology early in the fall, I landed two other jobs. The one I am most excited about is a contract ethnographer. The work is very interesting, I get to interview people in their homes and videotape our interviews. What is even better about the position is that I get the opportunity to travel. I have been to Atlanta, Washington DC and Chicago in the past three weeks.

The best thing about being a gypsy spirit like me is that I seem to have friends in every major US city. I got the chance to meet up with 5 of my old friends when I was in Atlanta, see my asshole brother and my BFF Stephanie in DC, and hang out with my old friend Mitch in Chicago.

Mitchie Poo

Chicago Beach

In addition to having the best job on planet earth, I have also lost 9 lbs recently. I liberated myself from four years of low carb turmoil and jumped on the low calorie high exercise bandwagon. I have been working out in some form or fashion 5-6 times per week. A major accomplishment in spite of my pack a day smoking habit.

Some additional points of excitement:
I am heading to Las Vegas for my big 30 in December

I bought a pool table
I love teaching sociology
I have transitioned from unemployed to self-employed
My shopping addiction is still in full swing--see next post for images
Life is good

Ode to Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse's passing last month made me very upset. I have been meaning to write about this for a while, but with all the changes and things going on, she ended up on my mental back burner.

I have been a big fan of hers for years. When Adele came out with Rolling in the Deep this year, she reawakened my love for Amy Winehouse and I have honestly been listening to her non-stop since February. She had a wonderful voice, sarcasm and wit in her lyrics, and something to say about what it means to be a woman in this era. Amy was unafraid to say what what on her mind, however crude or politically incorrect it may have been, she had a voice and was unafraid to use it.

When she died last month at the age of 27, I was horrified by her passing and the commentary it evoked in the public realm. People typically responded with a kind of nonchalant, She-was-a-druggie-so-I'm-not-surprised kind of attitude. It made me very sad because others who are not very different from her who died at her age were celebrated and immortalized: Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Heath Ledger and so on. Amy didn't get one magazine cover that I saw anywhere, and her death seemed to evoke a kind of holier than thou attitude from people that I know. This is particularly disturbing, because everyone I know who expressed that kind of sentiment is/was hardly a priest. All of them have done drugs or drank at some point in their lives, maybe not to the extent that Amy did, but none of them were virgins until marriage if you know what I mean.

I haven't really heard her music on the radio lately in any noticeable way. Let's not forget that Michael Jackson also died of drugs, they may have been "prescribed" but it was drugs none the less that took his life. When he died, the whole city of Los Angeles shut down (I was there, I know), his music was overplayed, and a parade was held in his honor.

Now, I can anticipate my readers thinking that Amy Winehouse only had one real hit and a few albums, which pales in comparison to Jackson's long and prolific career. However, that is not my point. What I am getting at is that drugs are drugs, but somehow an addiction to legal drugs is considered exempt from criticism and illegal drugs are open for mockery, judgement and disdain.   

Another factor that seems to play into this is that Amy was not a man. When I think about the young celebrities that have died of drug overdoses in my lifetime and in my mom's generation, the ones who are celebrated postmortem are all men. With the exception of Janis Joplin, none of the women I can think of who passed in this fashion are celebrated in any substantial way. Brittney Murphy received a short nod and scant press, Heath Ledger got an Oscar. Cobain, who was a totally irresponsible asshole who killed himself and left a small child behind is completely immortalized, and he wasn't much more prolific than Amy Winehouse (2 studio albums, a b-side album, a garage band recording, and later an MTV taping). Yes, Smells Like Teen Spirit defined a generation, but, he got much more press once he was in the ground than he did when he was alive. To make matters worse, he chose to die, was totally absolved of all responsibility, and had been in rehab only weeks before.

So what is going on here? This strange contrast appears counter to everything feminism teaches us about constructions of womanhood. If women are always seen as having less agency and as victims far more often than men, why is it that young women celebs seem to be blamed for their deaths, whereas men who die in the same way are immortalized and celebrated?

I don't think I can answer this question, but it makes me angry and that's where I stand. So I had my hairdresser style me a mini-beehive today as a little ode to Amy and I held my tongue when he and everyone in the salon began to badmouth her on cue.

I love you Amy Winehouse. Rest in peace.

Blogging Anniversary-The Year in Review

Today is the one year anniversary of when I began my blog. I have a penchant for milestones, as they foster reflection on time and break up the monotony of life.

The only thing that comes to mind is how rapidly my life has changed since I began writing this blog.

A year ago, I was living on my friend's couch in Decatur, GA. I was impatiently awaiting news on my dissertation prospectus and trying to figure out if I was going to remain in school. I was still with my bastard ex boyfriend. I had just returned from a summer in LA in which I had started working in market research and reconsidering my life options. I was an anxious wreck and had no idea where life was going to take me.  I was so angry and resentful of academia, that I envisioned my blog to be an ongoing criticism of the university system.

Since that time, many things have happened that have altered the course of my life probably forever.

That fall, I flew back to California, drove my truck out to GA, and figured I would be staying awhile. I changed my dissertation project out of desperation, started hanging with my roommate and partying like a madwoman. I developed a shopping addiction. I went to Chicago to see my friend Mitch for Halloween. I had a terrible horrible heartbreak and break-up with my ex. In the midst of all that, I met the wonderful man that I am with now.

Chicago

I went to New Orleans for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. I brought in the new year with my new man and started falling in love.

That February, I had the best Valentine's Day to date. I left graduate school with an MA in women's studies. Not what I had hoped for, but part of me was very relieved to be finished with school. After a trip to Washington DC to see my brother, I thought for a while that I would go back and do my PhD elsewhere.

On March 2, I moved to New Orleans. I basically came for Mardi Gras and fell in love with New Orleans. My roommate came out for the festivities
                                                                               and we had a blast.

Mardi Gras with my Roomie

I started a job hunt that never seemed like it was going to end. I sold books online to make extra cash and founded my online bookstore, Valley Girl Books.

I went to California for a visit and visited my father's grave on the anniversary of his death. I hadn't seen it since it was set in the ground, because I had avoided going home for nine months so that I wouldn't accidentally see my ex or even consider taking him back after how he had treated me.

In early June, I took a road trip that lasted three weeks. I drove from Louisiana to California, through Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Missouri, Kansas, Iowa, Nebraska, Colorado, Utah, Wyoming, Idaho, Oregon and California. Then I flew to Dallas for an interview. I visited my girl Patty in Dallas and had a blast with her. I came back to New Orleans for a few days to see my man, and then went back to California. I got sick for ten days when I got back and has the worst fever I can ever remember having.

First Crawfish Boil in New Orleans

At that point, I decided that I was going to go back to school for a teaching credential. I spent 3 weeks in Los Angeles and then drove back to New Orleans alone. I went through Arizona, New Mexico, Texas. Caught up with some friends along the way. Saw Santa Fe and Dallas (again), and then came back to New Orleans.

Santa Fe-Road trip #3 this year

When I got back, I realized that the teaching credential wasn't going to work out and started looking for work again. I was a little freaked, considering I turned down 3 jobs (in Dallas, New Jersey, and Detroit) to come back here.

Hanging with my old friend in Dallas. Aren't we hot?

But, things quickly worked out. I am now teaching sociology at community college and working as a freelance writer for a market research firm.

It has been a crazy and very eventful year. I am glad I left Emory, moved to New Orleans, and only made a slight career change. I am so happy with the person I am with now, it is hard to imagine the heartache and drama that I was experiencing last year around this time.

The bottom line is: change is good. Even when we think it may be going in a terrible direction, sometimes a new path can make a person feel new again. =)

Adorable